When critics slap the “unsocialized” allegation on home-schooled students, I try to imagine the feral child they must be alluding to. Do these critics actually know of home-schooled kids who lack the ability to engage in appropriate human interaction? In all fairness they probably don’t know these kids because they’re still in the woods socializing with wild dogs. Suggestions such as these are a wonderful source of entertainment for the homeschool community. But they are also offensive.
Critics offer their “expert” analysis so quickly and impulsively that it causes me to question if any knowledge or deep thought is behind it. Do they really know what socialization means? Maybe they actually mean “socializing” or “social skills.”
I believe that their unfounded unsocialized accusation is an over-generalized belief rooted in stereotyping. They are imagining that the majority of home-schooled students are introverts who clam up in public. It is a fallacy in logic because the conclusion drawn is based on a small sample or maybe no samples at all. Using today’s mediaspeak, I think the socialization issue is a fake issue. I also believe there’s an agenda involved.
Homeschool critics must not look very deeply into the definition of socialization or how socialization occurs in real life because they are getting it so wrong. Let’s apply some logic and reason and bust this nonsensical myth and shine a light on a possible agenda.
What is the definition of socialization anyway?
Socialization is the process whereby individuals become functioning members of a particular group and take on the values, behaviors, and beliefs of the group’s other members.
I’m going to examine each part of this definition.
This definition suggests that individuals adapt to the people groups they are exposed to and learn how to behave as a functioning member. Young children learn the rules of interaction within their families. They are able to adapt and learn the rules of any group they find themselves in like school, church, or play groups.
Most kids learn and adapt naturally and easily. Humans are social beings, after all. They inherently know how to socialize.
M. Mom
Let’s look at the behaviors part of the definition.
To adapt to a new group or a new setting, new rules of behavior have to be learned. Rules are learned by observation, instruction, and by trial and error. When I’m in a new setting, I sometimes make errors, but I can quickly learn how not to repeat them. For example, a previous error has taught me how not to accidentally walk into the men’s restroom in the public setting. Only a minority of people have inherent difficulty learning social rules.
A question that needs to be asked is how quickly does the typical child learn the rules of a new social setting?
I believe that most children can adapt to new settings quickly. The idea that children need to be in school 180 days a year in order to learn how to behave in a classroom or interact with their peers is a fallacy.
The students in my co-op science classes appear to gain an understanding of classroom dynamics fairly quickly. They are polite and well-behaved. They can answer questions orally. They socialize with each other in delightful ways. Yet most have never set foot in a traditional classroom.
To suggest that kids need long term exposure to a particular setting to become socialized is baseless.
M. Mom
Let’s look at the values and beliefs part of the definition which states that an individual will take on the values and beliefs of the other group members. This is the part that points to a possible agenda. Perhaps the critics expect everyone to conform to mainstream beliefs and values. Those who don’t submit are to be scorned and labeled “unsocialized.”
Unfortunately for the critics, some homeschoolers don’t want to conform to mainstream ideology. We are content with our own.
I define mainstream ideology as a collection of ever-shifting values and beliefs that the current culture accepts as truth. In the schools the mainstream ideology or worldview is partly influenced by the lawmakers and teachers’ unions. This worldview is also influenced by the emotions of the students and teachers as they try to make sense of current events and voices. Those influences might be an inspiration to some people, but not all.
America was founded on the belief that people have the freedom to choose their own beliefs and values as long as they don’t conflict with the rights of others.
The America we currently live in supposedly accepts differing worldviews as long as they don’t conflict with the rights of others and break laws. Ideally we get to choose our own values and beliefs without fear of reprisal.
Based on the definition of socialization, when homeschool critics slap us with charges of socialization failure, they are essentially accusing us of not conforming to the values and beliefs of their preferred people group – the public school. If there is truth to this, our accusers are not accepting values and beliefs that differ from theirs. Hypocrisy.
Why do they want us to conform? Are they angry that they can’t influence and control the thoughts of our kids? Is it all about power? Do they feel threatened by our beliefs and values? Or do they think their values and beliefs are superior to ours? Complete arrogance.
Are the critics insulted because we refuse to let our kids be nurtured in the hothouse of mainstream values – the public school?
M. Mom
Perhaps the critics think we aren’t learning about other people groups when they shame us with the label of close-mindedness. That assumption is just that – an assumption.
My kids learn about the mainstream worldview without being in school because it’s mainstream. It’s kind of hard to miss those views in everyday life. They don’t need to sit in school for twelve years to learn about it.
We also learn about various worldviews through literature and discussion. I wonder if schools study worldview objectively?
But most importantly, we study the values and beliefs we hold dear. I believe I have the right as an American to preferentially support a particular worldview even if it differs from the mainstream worldview. Choosing one worldview to live by is not being close-minded. It’s being decisive and discerning.
Socialization is a process not a person.
M. Mom
Using the word “socialized” to describe a person is problematic. Socialization is a process not a person. If a person is not part of a particular people group it does not make him an unsocialized person. Rather, he is not socialized to that particular group. He may be socialized to other people groups. It’s close-minded to think that one particular people group or set of values should fit everyone. Labeling a person as unsocialized in order to create an issue through use of illogical reasoning is not only hostile but it’s also plain wrong. Socialization is a non-issue in the homeschool community.
Read my thoughts on socializing during the pandemic: Is Homeschool a Good Alternative During the Covid Crisis?
Musing: a period of reflection or thought. As such this post reflects my thoughts, opinions, and experiences on the topic. The choice to home school and the methods you choose are yours to determine.